Melancholy Musings

Momentary musings of a melancholy mama...

Maybe this seems perfectly obvious to some. However, I think we can all agree it's sometimes easy to stumble and lose sight of this clear truth...

Unconditional love does not equate to allowing those we love to treat us poorly. It's not a carte blanche invitation to have our feelings or needs disregarded or minimized.

It's one thing to find our compassion and to understand why others may sometimes make choices we wish they hadn't, or even that they wish they hadn't.

It's one thing to forgive one another for our flawed, imperfect natures.

And, it's a wholly other kind of thing to know when we must uphold clear boundaries and draw a line in the sand that clearly delineates between the types of actions and behaviors we are willing to accept or be available for and those we are not.

Owning our boundaries and standing in our truths, standing up for ourselves in the face of unkind or unloving behavior, is how we do the work of healing and finding our way back to wholeness rather than continuing to live out our days within the paradigm of our brokenness and being unhealed selves.

And, this is how we teach others how to love us well.

It ain't easy. But, in my humble opinion, it comes as part and parcel with our growth, healing, and evolution. And this is pretty much what I am here for —to evolve.

It starts with loving ourselves well and doing the work of peeling back the layers that we've built up to conceal and protect our tender hearts, and becoming really fucking clear about what we are or are not willing to be available for.

I'm no longer available to people who are not interested in having honest relationships built upon a foundation of sincerity and clear communication.

I have zero attachment to needing to always be right, or to being right at all. But, I can no longer abide by being complicit in relationships where we cannot relate with one another from a place of being willing to listen to hear and understand, rather than to react or to shame or make another be wrong or feel small.

Can't. Won't. Done.

I've found myself channeling the wisdom and poetry of my gal pal, Ani Difranco... specifically, the following lines:

I know my mind is made of matter

But I need to know exactly

What is the matter at its core?

Because my heart is just a muscle

And simply put, it's sore

So never mind about the benefits

And never mind about the costs

That don't change the basic premises

In which I am surely lost

So, there you go, and there you have it.

My heart is feeling a bit sore. So, please know, if you see me around it's entirely likely that tears will be close to the surface. Please handle with care.

~with love, from a tender-hearted mama jewelzz